Failure of Relationships?

	I want to talk about a topic that is very 
close to me this month.  I feel that too 
many people are becoming inept at participating 
in relationships in our society today.  Not 
only are we seeing the breakdown of the family 
structure, but the values and morals that go 
along with them.  If we are not soon to correct 
these problems on an individual basis, we are 
all headed for a state of social anarchy.
	What do I mean by inept at participating in 
relationships?  You see people every day that 
don't know how to deal with the natural problems 
that arise in relationships.  People who through 
lack of communication or understanding have 
fights that are inevitably fatal to the 
relationship.  I have seen good friends of mine 
that were totally in love with each other that 
fought tooth and nail because they could not 
talk about each others doubts and fears.  It 
makes no sense to me that if one partner(Jane) 
thinks that the other partner is unfaithful 
they would become hurt, then accuse the first 
partner(john) of infidelity, and that hurts 
John's feelings and makes him angry.  And what 
do you get out of all of this?  A mess.  
	These are not isolated events, they are becoming 
more and more the norm.  A successful relationship 
is the abnormality now, rather than it being the 
standard.  If the relationship is properly 
founded, if it is set up in the beginning to be 
communicative, efficient, and loving, it avoids 
the problems altogether.  Take our earlier example, 
Jane and John, if John was not satisfied with the 
sex that he was getting from Jane, what logical 
course of action should he take.  You would think 
that if he talked to Jane and told her what was 
wrong, expressed himself openly, they could find 
ways to improve their sex life.  What if John just 
wanted some variety in his sex life, well if they 
talked about it openly, they could both decide if 
it was worth it to engage in that sort of activity.  
After a good session of communication they could 
decide on how to deal with the problem.  Maybe it 
would signal the end of their relationship.  Maybe 
Jane would want nothing to do with John if he wanted 
to sleep around.  Maybe Jane could accept the 
"infidelity" and they could continue to have a 
meaningful relationship.  Either way, there is no 
lying, no sneaking, and even if the situation becomes 
somewhat painful, it is settled in the open, in an 
honest and communicative fashion.
	But what of the family structure.  What a joke.  
The conservatives of today would like you to believe 
that we are much more liberal today then we have ever 
been.  Not true.  We are actually more conservative 
than we have been at many other times.  It used to be 
common practice to have a mistress that a man would 
keep "put up" for himself, now that is rare.  People 
talk about the rise of homosexuality, and bisexuality 
in society today, they are nothing like the state they 
were at during the height of the Roman Empire.  We are 
not becoming more non-family oriented, rather we are 
loosing an age old "blood relation" weakness.  In the 
sixties we became more "universal family" oriented.  
What I mean is that we became like family with all of 
our closest friends, and this caused a more community 
feeling.  I grew up in that lifestyle, I have a huge 
"family" and very few of them are blood relations.  
This is what we are learning.  To be a family with all 
of humanity.
	If we fail to achieve this state of efficient communication, 
we are doomed to a not communicative society that will 
quickly approach anarchy.  We need to make sure that we 
learn how to communicate with and understand all of the 
other people in our world.  No matter of race, creed, 
religion, or philosophy.  The most pointed example of 
this is the state of romantic relations, but all one 
need do is see the way people react to each other in 
public in a big city to see that there are many other 
areas that need work as well.  Your choice is simple, 
learn to love, communicate, and empathize or face the 
dread beast "Anarchy".
Long live romance......

f.

comments welcome